LeFt oF cenTeR: BoRn To LoVe, CreaTe, InSpiRe (A Thank You To Mark)

Mark. I know you are a busy little monster but I hope you can find a few minutes to read this response to your most recent post, "Born This Way."

First of all-speaking of crying,shaking,etc: I think I just walked every range of emotion with you. Thank you so much for your honesty and sharing your heart.

A few years ago I started to realize that "cookie cutter" is not for me. I'm sure the realization was always deep down in me somewhere- but it had been squashed down by the "American time-line." That pressure to graduate high school, go to college, find a great job, get married and have kids, etc. There's noting wrong with that necessarily and someday- I want to fall in love and have a family and have them join in on the grand adventure. But I know there is so much in me that I want to get out- so much I want to do.

So much creativity bursting at the seams but I'd somehow squashed it way down deep inside. I think part of it had to do with high school and how rough it could be. I think sometimes I'd just keep my head down to try to survive-instead of FLOURISHING IN MY OWN SKIN!

I woke up one day realizing I was just sort of going with the flow. I'd somehow lost track of that imaginative child...the one full of so much joy who used to build forts with her brother, explore the woods like they were her own magic land. The one who used to get the biggest high from racing through a lush green,sun-soaked field on horseback at what felt like a million miles an hour.

I'd never really been exposed to contemporary dance until SYTYCD. I immediately knew that I wanted to try it.I want to be a dancer.Late? Yes. Very. Especially today where hip hop classes are filled with children less than half my age, in an industry where most artist start dancing very young. I hear songs Mark- and ideas just spill out of my brain. Musicality, colors, light, movement, emotion of every kind. And after seeing your first audition: it lit a spark inside of me. Even if I never "make it" in the business, it's totally ok because I've found a life-long love affair. An outlet for pain, happiness, rage, empathy, beauty, joy, confusion, love. And you played an integral part in that.

I had the opportunity to meet you on tour. Your love, care and concern for people re-ignited something in me. I'd become sad, bitter and removed. You reminded me of the sweet, happy, energetic child I was born to be, that I'd left on the shelf somewhere. The one that really does want to see the beauty in people and how we all bring something magical and wonderful to the table of life.

A few months ago I discovered my DREAM JOB while browsing some job openings during my lunch break. I simply started with my favorite organization (one that raises funds to build wells in Africa, Haiti and Nepal) and the very first job they had listed was the exact job description I would have written for myself. The official title, you'd love: "CHIEF HAPPINESS AGENT." I mean, REALLY?! WHAT?! Hello?!!?!?! This is the exact job description I would have written for myself.
(for the record, it made me think of you and my beautiful best friend, Madison).PS- You'd love her blog. It's VERY you: http://througheyeswideopen.wordpress.com/

My reaction to discovering this job: very similar to when you got the call for GaGa. I was in a quiet office BUT I rolled back in my chair, thew my head back, closed my eyes and shook my head and arms from side to side (cue the scene from love actually where Karl is waiting at the door and Sarah turns the corner to have a little freak-out moment before she lets him in).

I know audible squeaks escaped from my being and floated out around the office. I had to take a lap around the building because I couldn't sit still or focus. I walked around with the biggest, goofiest smile on my face saying hello to everyone I passed with a skip in my step. When I got to my car at the end of the day and shut the door, I just let out a loud scream of excitement.

The application for the job was a video, and I went all out. I filmed at my dance studio and the two other places I work. We staged a scene where everyone was working in a gloomy sadness until then the "Chief Happiness Agent" came by and led a dance party to House of Pain's "Jump Around" in the building's atrium. I stayed up all night to edit the video and when I turned it in...the job description had been removed and I got word that the position had been filled. Needless to say, the past 24 hours have been very difficult mentally. I'm trying to stay positive and tell myself that the timing wasn't right, that maybe there's something better out there and it wasn't meant to be. But truth be told, my heart is a little broken today at the thought of that dream slipping through my hands.

And what was the first thing I read this morning? Yep. Your "Born this Way" post. Thank you for reminding me to keep searching for that thing I'm meant to do. For inspiring me to keep dancing even when there's pain. Sometimes dreams do slip through our hands but that painful path sometimes leads to the most beautiful opportunities. Mark. I. am. SO. ecstatic that you're living your dream right now. It couldn't happen to a better person and you've reminded me to soak the beauty out of every moment in life and live to the fullest. GaGa and the little monsters are SO blessed to have you on the team. I now aspire to be the "Chief Happiness Agent" in whatever I'm doing. God's got amazing plans for every single one of us and he created us in his beautiful image. And he is so much greater than religion or anything we could ever understand. I'm so thankful that he made people like GaGa and little monsters and I'm so glad he made you. I know you don't know me Mark but I love you- thank you for being you. SO MUCH LOVE. -Kelly